After so long. my last post was on august 2011. and now its January 2013..
How time past. How things changes so much at 2012..
How could i ever describe my feelings for the things that had happen.
I lost him.. 2012 taught me so much. taught me to be strong. to love, to forgive, to sacrifice, to appreciate, to give up, to move on.
at first i thought we would be fine and never know it would ended like this.
Its been 5 months since we parted. I've been trying my best to win u back, to show u love again. but..... She is all you want . at least You still contact me.
Who do you take me as?
I know u like her, u never wanna give up on her. And you told me. You never wanna let me go too.
i don't wanna be an option. But my heart just couldn't forget you. You came in to my life with so much surprises and so much love. I really felt warm and felt love... you were so different. You were so special. and now you are just a friend. you just wanna be friends with me. and that breaks my heart every time you said
let it be first" "i don't wanna think about anything now" "we are young" . i never gave up on u neither did i gave up on "US". why did i felt hard for you :'(
How much i hope you could just turn and look. who is waiting who is standing beside. who really cares who is always there.
i cant forget you... maybe i will just get use to not having u anymore.. time heals a broken heart .. every day im just waiting my phone to see whether you would whatsapp me anot. we no longer talk like how we use to. but ... i always hope. we could be back .. I don't force u, i don't question you, i don't control you because i have no rights to do those anymore! because. you have her in your heart. and im just ... i don't know. What am i to you actually? where do i stand? are you afraid of losing me actually do you still have feelings for me? do you still care? do you still love me?
I hope u remember all the little and big things i`ve done for you through out this 2 year plus relationship.. You said it yourself that no one made u feel appreciated like how i do.. I still do appreciate the moments i have with you .
Why? because i still love you. remember the cake, the cards, the laughter, the silly calls, the silly jokes, the silly faces, the long msg, our first date, how i agreed to be your girlfriend, the paintball you made, how we sneak out just to see each other, how you come all the way just to see me because i was having stomach ache, how you cheered me up when i was down after my spm, how we fight and made up , how we hugged and never wanna let go . How much we loved each other, how much you were so scared to lose me and me so scared of losing u too. the small surprises you gave me. the late night conversation.And all our "FIRST TIME" things tgt. It all became nostalgia.
The love i have for you is explainable even the mistakes u did in the past.. i just don't care. we don't live at the past anymore. i just wanna create a future. and start over. All i want.. is just to be ur priority again. And i know. it wont happen anymore.
lastly, i hope u get her.
I couldn't win your heart. but at least i know that i did my best to make u happy and make u feel appreciated for the pass 2 years.
Remember us. you always have a special place in my heart. I hope one day, you realize my efforts.
At least now i felt better typing all this.. there are more unspoken words in my heart. but. i guess i should stop crapping .. :') i will be fine. i will be strong.
Good night my long lost blog.
No comments:
Post a Comment